Jokes
The Manti Te’o jokes are funny, but let’s all try to remember, a person
that never existed is dead.
Te’o is projected to be taken #1 in the fantasy draft.
“Hello Oprah? This Manti Te’o. Do you have time next week for an
interview? I have something I need to get off my chest.”
Notre Dame has Manti Te’o on suicide watch this year for fear that he might discover that the Easter Bunny isn’t real.
Q: How do you get a Notre Dame graduate off your front porch?
A: Give him pizza money.
Q: Do you know why they couldn’t have a nativity scene at Notre Dame?
A: They couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get as far away from Notre Dame as possible
Q: What’s the difference between Princess Di and the ND Whining Irish??
A: ND makes it through the end of the tunnel before they get killed.
Did you hear that Bob Davie is dressing only 15 players this season? The rest can dress themselves.
Q: What does a Notre Dame say when he sees you?
A: Would you like fries to go with that, sir?
Q: What is the difference between a Notre Dame fan and a three-week-old puppy?
A: Eventually the puppy will stop whining.
Q: What do you call 30 Notre Dame students in a basement?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: Why are they planning to resurface Notre Dame Stadium with cardboard?
A: Because the Irish always play better on paper.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a Notre Dame graduate?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig just won’t do.
Q: Why do Notre Dame graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How many Notre Dame football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just two, but they each get three hours credit.
Q: Do you know where Tom Osborne moved after he retired?
A: South Bend, he wanted to get as far away from football as he could.
Q: Did you hear that two of the Notre Dame playbooks were stolen?
A: Charlie Weis very upset. He didn’t even finish coloring them.
Q: Did you hear about the two Notre Dame fans who froze to death at the drive-in movie?
A: They went to see “Closed for the Winter.”
Q: What did the ND football player get on his final exam?
A: Drool.
Q: What’s the difference between the Notre Dame cheerleaders and the Titanic?
A: Only a couple thousand people went down on the titanic.
Q: What do the Fighting Irish and Marijuana have in common?
A: They both get smoked in a bowl.
Q: You’re stranded on an island with a cannibal, a murderer, and a Notre Dame fan. You have a gun, but there are only two bullets left. Who do you shoot?
A: The Notre Dame fan (twice.)
Q: What do Notre Dame fans and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you get a Notre Dame Grad off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What do a call a 250 lb. Notre Dame Cheerleader?
A: Anorexic.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a Notre Dame graduate?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig just won’t do.
A fellow walks into a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender if he’d like to hear a good Notre Dame joke.
“Listen buddy,” he growled. “See those 2 big guys on your left? They were both linemen on the Notre Dame football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at Notre Dame. That guy in the corner was Notre Dame’s all-time champion weight lifter. And I lettered in 3 sports at Notre Dame. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?”
“Nah, guess not,” the man replied. “I wouldn’t want to have to explain it 5 times.”